No Fear For Me
It’s a nerve-wracking when you can’t do the thing you’re meant to do.
I start to panic when I find myself unable to write. It’s not writer’s block—it’s fear. You see, I write a lot, and when I start wondering what people will say or think, I clam up. I don’t let the words out because I don’t trust them to do what I want them to. Not really.
It’s crazy how fear keeps you from the things you’re meant to be doing. I wish I was fearless, but after 22 years of trying to escape fears, they still come in all their scary glory.
To create is to be fearless, I think. It’s brave. Admirable. I’ve always tried to be brave and I have a lot of really bad and semi-okay novels on my hard drive to prove it.
I’m in this limbo where I’m waiting. I’m signing with a literary agent (after 7 or 8 years of trying, trying, trying), so I’m MUCH MUCH MUCH further down the road to publishing than I was before. But I don’t know what I’ll be publishing, or when, so I’m not quite sure what to say about the things I’m writing or who I am as an author. If there’s anything you’re interested in knowing, please tell me and I’d love to talk about it.
It was really cool getting a call from an agent, ‘cause he told me we’d be focusing on book projects (aside from projects that aren’t books…). And when he said that I didn’t know what to say. I was speechless, because I didn’t expect him to sign with me and I’m so GRATEFUL that he did, because this is nothing short of a miracle.
*And when I say miracle, I mean miracle in every miraculous sense of the word. Like GOD DID IT and I take no credit for this happening by any of my own power or talent.
So as I wait, I think about what I SHOULD be doing as an author, but at the end of the day, I’m walking blind. I don’t really know what I’m doing, but I’m doing my best at it. I think the best I can do is to not be afraid, and to walk with boldness into the unknown. ESPECIALLY when my heart is anxious and afraid, I just gotta keep stepping forward and writing one word after another.
Even when I discover I still don’t know how to use a comma correctly, or that I have no idea what my parts of speech are, and even when the foundations of my talent get a little shaken, I have to keep moving forward. It’s a long road ahead, and it’s a good road, and it’s MY road, and I’m so excited for this journey.
No fear for me. Just faith.
(Oh, and that lovely picture of a quill was drawn by my friend Elizabeth Young. She's got a pretty awesome business, so check her out if you have any video needs at www.skipstone-creative.com)